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  • Writer's pictureStacy

Am I Alone?

It’s Tuesday night after 8:00pm, I’m drained, my eyes are burning from working all day, my lips are parched, my head buzzing, I’m tired and my teeth clenched. The wind is whipping outside, and all I can think of is sleep. But I’m so determined to write a blog once a week because I believe this practice of sharing our experiences is life changing for my, want to be hidden self, and for those who can relate. Am I alone?

At this time, when the Covid-19 virus is on the lips and ears of the world, I feel so overworked more than ever, and all around me people are supporting those who are getting cabin fever, are having family time, who don’t know what else to do as they distance themselves socially and quarantined for at least 14 days. I’m going into work, one of the “essentials”, daily, working more than ever. I’m holding 2 full-time positions and supporting 1 position as a manager, which I’ve been doing for the past 7 months! Am I alone?

My life has not changed.

My life is a social distance.

When I have a day off, I want to have my own shelter in place, in my cozy home, and don’t want to ever leave.

These are the things I noticed in my life. Am I alone?

I wonder, what is wrong with me? My whole life has become a practice of social distancing before social distancing was a thing. I enacted a shelter in place every weekend and loved everyone second of it. I long for the peace of slow and easy, to be able to breathe, to hear nothingness… What is it that curses me? Am I alone?

The prison I’ve built up in my mind. The things I tell myself, that push and prod me, and sometimes torture myself into accomplishing other people’s goals.

When will I ever allow myself to rest?

When can I get a break?

When can I say NO?

When WILL I say NO?

Why won’t I say NO?

How could I say NO?

When I’m willing to love myself, and fully embrace my needs, and taking care of ME, and letting go of this human attachments to the pleasures of my comforts, or a least what i think brings me the comforts of stability, and knowing what’s to come.

But who know what’s to come? Truly no one knows what our futures has in store for us. No one can predict the future, but one can see the vision of what’s ahead by looking at what is in the moment, and we can always change our destiny. Vision gives us this ability to see our current path ahead, and allows us to make shifts and adjustments as needed. I feel this is true to my heart. And from today, I’ll follow that feeling that connects us all, that is greater than the Universe, that which is the law of the Universe and to which the Universe and everything that connects to it is oneness, the ultimate law of oneness. We can all change our patterns of spiral destruction, through embracing the what we know is true. ~with love

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